We Came Together But You Left Alone And I Know How It Feels To Walk Out On Your Own

Maybe Someday I’ll See You Again And You’ll Look Me In My Eyes And Call Me Your Friend

I’m not sure why but lately I have had a lot on my mind about brokenness and being abandoned or just having people start to distance themselves from me when they start to realize just how broken I really am. I notice them start to fade away and then one day they are no longer there.

When I think about this I find myself drawn to the thought that me being sick and having a broken body and the broken emotions that come with that is the reason for people leaving. Maybe the constant pain over the past ten years and that constant reminder from that pain that I am broken plays a big part in that but at this point I’m really not sure. Maybe a part of it is that profound sense of loss that I feel from Christina passing away that has made me feel so alone. I really don’t know.

When people come into my life and hear about what I have had to live through and the constant pain and sickness that I will live with for the rest of my life I am often told that they think that I am a strong person because I haven’t given up and I know that I never will because I know that there is a reason behind me having to deal with this. To be honest right now I don’t feel strong; I feel broken, scared and somewhat lost.

I can’t even say why I felt that I needed to write this down and post it today. Maybe someone out there needed to hear this. The one thing that I have been learning through not giving up in the midst of feeling lost, scared and broken is that just because I am broken and I am reminded of that every day through physical pain that isn’t the only thing that everyone else around me sees. I have a friend that I respect and admire a lot tell me a while ago that through getting to know me she no longer sees me as someone that has this broken and often quite useless physical body but instead she sees me for who I am underneath that. Those words have made me realize that in times when I feel that all I am is broken I need to learn to see myself the way my friend does.

That is what I want to strive to see myself as right now. I want to look beyond being sick and having a broken body and see that there is still good within that can't be broken, a good that can help others.

We Came In Search Of Answers, We Left Empty Handed Again….

We Still Have Faith And Hope

When I have been looking back on my life lately I have found that I have been searching for answers. Some of the questions that I have been searching out answers for have come from me, some from my friends, my family and the world. I’m not even sure where some of these questions have come from but one thing that I do know is that in my search for answers I have come up with nothing or an answer that just creates more questions every time.

The thing that I want to talk about today is how a few of the major situations in my life have affected me and how they continue to affect my day to day life. I was diagnosed with severe Ulcerative Colitis when I was twelve years old. Through a series of doctors not taking the fact that I was a very ill twelve year old kid that was in need of proper medical care and testing in order to slow the progression of my condition down seriously and the fact that it took them several months to properly diagnose me I am now stuck with a very painful chronic illness that I will have to deal with every day for the rest of my life (as far as science and medicine are concerned).

Dealing with having any type of illness chronic or not is difficult for anyone. These difficulties don’t only include what a person can see from the outside like constant physical pain in my case, but they can also consist of emotional trauma and questioning/loss of hope and faith. One of the biggest emotional difficulties that I experience is a profound sense that I am broken and that people will leave me or I won’t be worth as much to them when they see how broken I really am. My body doesn’t work properly anymore and I have been told time and time again by doctors that it never will. I believe that part of the reason that I feel that I am broken is because our culture gives us such a high physical standard to live up to. With a body that can’t handle much physical activity at a young age I feel that when people see me and realize that my body is broken I am no longer worth as much.

One of the questions that I ask God and think about is why? I think that all of us ask him the same thing whenever we face events in our lives that are hard or just seem to be completely impossible to overcome.

The latest struggle in my life that has left me asking God why is the passing of my friend Christina in August this last summer. Christina was a bright young woman that spread the love of God wherever she went, no matter who she was with. On August 13^th, 2010 Christina passed away after a car accident while EMTs were trying to save her. There is a quote by W.S. Gilbert that reads; “Its love that makes the world go round”. If that’s true, then the world spun a little faster when Christina was in it.  I don’t understand why God let this happen and I’m not sure that I ever will in this life but what I do understand is that God doesn’t make mistakes and although things happen in our lives that we can’t begin to find answers for we need to trust that God can see further than we can and he doesn’t let us suffer for no reason, otherwise what is the point in even trying to keep going?

I guess what I am trying to say is that over the past few years of being at Bethany College while learning about God and experiencing him in the community there I have learned a lot about trusting him and being open to the changes that he wants me to make in my life and allowing him to work through me. I have learned to come to a place where I feel that I have peace about having an illness that causes me to be in pain all day every day and often forces me to spend time in the hospital. I have learned to look at my life and the suffering that comes with life in a broken and fallen world in a different way. I have seen God work in other people’s lives when I share my experiences and how he gets me through the hard times; how I wouldn’t want to and couldn’t even begin to make it through without him. In my mind I feel that if the hardships that I go through in my life are worth it if by me living through it and sharing with others can help just one person grow closer in their relationship with God or one person start a new relationship with God then I’m okay with living with this illness and this pain. I will continue to live with it for as long as God needs me to if that is what it takes right now to work in my life and the lives of others.

Christina used to say “Just because your body is broken it doesn’t mean you have to live like the rest of you is”. That is something that I need to be sure to never forget and live my life in that way.

And We Built These Dreams On Sand, Will They All Slip Through Our Hands....

Dreams, they are something that we all have. I'm not talking about those crazy dreams that we have at night and then forget the instant that we wake up while we desperately try to hang on to that last glimmer of happiness in that pain free world. I'm talking about our dreams and hopes that we have in every day life. Some of them fall away and break apart but some of them bring us to the most amazing places. Lately in life I have found that the dreams that I am the most excited about, the ones that seem like they will be perfect are the ones that are falling away and breaking apart at my feet. I don't understand why life is like this right now but I am desperately trying to trust God and keep hanging onto him because I know that if something is supposed to work out then God will make it happen. Knowing this and being able to let go of those dreams that have fallen away and broken are two different things. I have found myself upset at times about what could have been or what I think should have been.

A lot has happened in my life lately and I can't even begin to uunderstand it and that is why I need to trust God but even in my attempt to trust God with all that is going on I still feel helpless. Right now I feel broken, lonely, lost, scared and confused. I don't think I know where to go next so I am doing my best to look to God for direction.

I have noticed that many times in life when someone is going through a hard time people start to pull away from them. These people that pull away aren't bad people, they are just afraid of being around someone that is hurting because it scares them that they might say or do the wrong thing and make it worse. From what I am experiencing right now it hurts a lot more for people to pull away from me when I am having a hard time then if they were to say or do something wrong. I often just want to stand up and tell everyone that yes I am hurting right now but please don't pull away because you don't know what to say or do! Just the fact that you are with me makes getting through this so much easier for me. It takes a lot for a friend to upset me by saying or doing something wrong so please just try to forget about that fear so that whenever anyone in our community is having a hard time we can leave our fear behind us and gather around them in loving support.

I guess that is all I have to say for right now, I started writing this post knowing that I needed to get this point across but I had no idea how I would do it so I guess this will have to do. Everything that I have written here is my personal opinion and it is from my point of view so please use the comments section below this post to let me know what you think.

Cheers.

The Cure Is If You Let In A Little More Love, I Promise You This, A Little's Enough....

My question for today is this:

In a fallen and broken world, is it possible for us to experience pure joy?

Please use the comment section below this post to answer the question and explain your answer.

Cheers

Wake Me Up Inside….

So after being stuck in the hospital in Rosthern for a week and being a bit depressed I am back at Bethany where I have access to the internet and I can post a much needed update to my blog! As I’m sure you can understand, I don’t have anything really exciting to post because hospitals are not the most exciting places in the world. In my previous post I wrote about how I was feeling down and wondering how I went from being happy just over a year ago to feeling like I wanted to give up a few days ago and even though I know that I don’t completely have the answer yet I do know that things have changed. I have experienced loss lately and found myself stuck here wondering about what could have been and in many cases what I believe should have been. I think that even though my week long stay in the hospital ended up putting me a week behind in my homework schedule and made me bored out of my mind it was good because it gave me a lot of time to think through what is going on in my life. I have come to the realization that I need to keep moving forward. I know that it sounds obvious and maybe it is but I guess I needed a week to get to the obvious. After Celeste and I broke up last year I stopped. Looking back it makes sense because after a three year long relationship ends sometimes you need to stop to get everything together again. The problem was that once I did start moving again it seemed like nothing worked out for me anymore. A relationship that I thought would work out failed horribly, and then I got really sick in April of last year and ended up stopping and feeling stuck again. Once again I was stuck in a hospital unable to depend on my own strength to get through each day. Once I managed to convince myself to keep going summer and working at camp came along. Camp was an amazing time for me where I feel like I was able to grow in my relationship with God and also the people I worked with in great ways. When Christina passed away in August I once again lost momentum and felt like I had become stuck. This brings me to now; a time when I feel like I can move on and let go of wondering what could have been had things gone according to plan. I can stop being upset about what should have been and learn to be glad that I still have what is.

I really have no idea if any of this post will make sense to any of you readers out there but I decided to go with it and post it anyway. I don’t know why it took me so long to come to such an obvious realization but it did and now I’m ok with being happy with what is.

If you happen to have any comments on my insane ramblings please feel free to post them. I would love to know what you think!  

I Walk Around Like I’m Alive Again But I Know It’s Just Not The Same….

Written October 28, 2010 (Not Posted Due To Lack Of An Internet Connection)

I’m still stuck in the hospital at this point in my life. The days take forever to pass and then when night and my hopes of losing myself in sleep and maybe peace for a few hours comes I am faced with the same restless anxiety and sleeplessness that I used all of my energy trying to push through during the day. Sleep and peace doesn’t come though, not for me, not right now. As I sit alone in my room wondering how I got from being so happy just over a year ago to wanting to give up now. Yes I know that some really hard stuff has happened over the past year but I thought I should be able to work through it….

Trust And Grief

W.S. Gilbert Wrote, “Its love that makes the world go round” and if that’s true, then the world spun a little faster when Christina was in it.

Those of you that know me have most likely heard or read on my blog that my friend Christina passed away as the result of a car accident on August 13 this last summer. Missing her and dealing with her death has been hard for me. I desperately want to trust that God loves his children and is devastated when something like this happens but that he also lets it happen for a reason. I have been searching for that reason and how something good could possibly come from this situation. I know that God wants me to trust him, to believe that he knows why things like this happen and leave it in his hands. This is something I have been unable to do up to this point but I do know that as time passes I will get there. If you are reading this I want to ask you to pray for everyone that was affected by Christina’s death, that they would be able to find peace and comfort in God even though this is a hard time for them.

Here are a few things that I wanted to say about Christina:

Christina’s death has caused me to stop and take stock of my life, to measure who I am and what I have become. I don’t have all of those answers myself, but I know who Christina was. Christina lived and died in a broken and unjust world, a world where young women like her that have a fierce love for God, her family and friends. I know that if Christina were here today she would tell me not to mourn her death but to celebrate her life. She would tell me to love my family and friends unconditionally and to stay close to Christ because in the end that’s all that matters.

Christina  

October 10, 1989 - August 13, 2010

And If I Could Thank God That I Am Here And That I Am Alive....

I haven’t had a chance to post anything new since I wrote part one of my experience at Camp Evergreen for Rise Up and it has been bothering me because I would like to put up a new post at least once a week. Right now I am feeling really sick so I am unable to do much of anything so it’s a great time to just sit at my computer and write.

This week is one of the worst times ever for me to not be feeling good, not that any time is a good time to be sick but this week is the worst time. The reason that it’s the worst is because I have several meetings and music practices to be at for upcoming events and then the events themselves to be at. Here is a little taste of what my schedule for this week looks like not including homework:

Monday – Off For Thanksgiving (That’s Nice).

Tuesday – Get Everything Ready For My Band Playing In Chapel And Practice Because We Are Playing On Wednesday.

Tuesday Afternoon – Meeting For Upcoming Youth Night At Bethany College.

Tuesday Night – Unit Meeting.

Wednesday Morning – Band Playing In Chapel.

Wednesday Night – Practice For Music Committee Band As Well As Practice For Youth Min Band.

Thursday – Youth Min Planning And Event Set Up/Make Sure I’m Good To Go For Speaking And Playing Drums At The Event.

Friday – Nothing Planned Yet (Thank God).

Saturday – Rest And Hope I’m Feeling Better.

Sunday Night – Play Drums For Worship Session.

It will be a little bit of a crazy week for me and I think it might just feel crazier then it is because I’m sick. Right now I am just doing my best to trust God to give me the strength and keep me out of the hospital so that I don’t have to bail out on my commitments. One thing that I have found in the past is that if I am able to stay positive and trust God when I am going through a time like this I end up enjoying myself and getting through everything even though I am sick. I hope that last sentence made sense because I realize it is very poorly worded. I guess the whole being sick and on a lot of medication thing is getting to my head.

I’m going to admit that I am not really sure why I felt that I should write about what is going on in my life and being sick. I think that a big part of the reason I wanted to post this is I am just really hoping that maybe by reading this people can be encouraged to just trust in God and continue walking with him even when things are really hard.

Yea I’m pretty sure that is all I have to say for right now.

Have a great week everyone!

Cheers.

Rise Up @ Camp Evergreen - October 1 - 3 (This Post Was Going To Have Two Parts At First But I Feel I Have Written All That I Needed To About Rise Up)

The drive out to Camp Evergreen was a good one. It was a beautiful day for driving and once we got out of Saskatchewan and into Alberta we even got to go over a few hills so that was a nice change from our normal scenery out in Saskatoon area. Anyway as wonderful as the driving part of the weekend was that is not what I’m here to talk about right now.

Once we got to camp and all the staff and youth groups got settled into their rooms we played a few icebreaker games and then it was off to the first chapel session of the weekend. Our speaker for the weekend was Seth; an amazing guy that just really has a heart for God and sharing his love with youth. The worship over the weekend was lead by Jill Hagen (some of her music is on iTunes and I encourage you to look it up and take a listen). Hearing Seth speak and having Jill and the worship band lead us in worship were two of the many great things that I experienced out at Evergreen this weekend.

The theme that Seth spoke on this weekend was God’s love for us. It was so cool to see God use Seth to speak into the lives of the youth and the staff that were out there. He talked about how we as people think that we understand love, feel it and how we can’t even come close to understanding the power of the love that God has for us. “We have this idea of what love is and how it feels, what it looks like and then Jesus comes along and just completely blows that away with a love so strong and so pure that we can’t even come lose to grasping it” (Seth). I think that all too often we set these standards for ourselves that we think we have to live up to in order for someone else to be able to love us, for God to be able to love us. A lot of the time people are thinking ‘if I could just do better, if I was a little bit smarter or maybe better at sports …. Then maybe people would love me. If I could stop messing up the same part of my life over and over again then maybe God could love me. Maybe if I wasn’t sick….’ I see these people ever day that are down on themselves because they have it stuck in their heads that if they could just be better they could be loved; loved by their family, by their friends, by God and maybe they could even love themselves. I see these people every day. I see them at school, when I’m out with friends, at home and when I look in the mirror. Why is it so hard for us to look at ourselves and see how amazing, specially, wonderfully made and adored by God we are? We hear about how we need to be perfect from the time that we can comprehend words. When we see people that have a hard time loving themselves or we realize that we don’t feel like we love ourselves we look for something to blame it on. We blame God for not somehow forcing us to never mess up, we blame the media for telling us that we have to have the perfect body, we blame the people around us for maybe saying something hurtful or insensitive and when we run out of things and people to blame we blame ourselves. Instead of looking for something or someone to blame why can’t we just focus on the forgiveness that God has for us when we mess up and his amazing love that he will always give to us no matter what?  I want to challenge each one of us including those that feel like they are too broken to be loved by God to focus on his never ending love and forgiveness instead of all of the things that make them feel like not even God could love them.

All too  often we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into pits of despair, self pity and loneliness and then forget how to climb out or we get so down that we forget how to feel, how to love and we become numb. “People dig themselves into holes with their misery. They end up wanting to live in those holes and they get angry when other people put dirt in their holes (dirt being the love in this case) because they like their holes, they have learned to live inside of them. Climb out of your holes people!” (Dr. Greg House). Don’t you love it that I used a quote from House in here? I know I do! Sometimes I see someone down and depressed because they don’t think that they could be loved by anyone including themselves and God. When I see people feeling like this I often want to run up to them , give them a hug and remind them of God’s love for them and also remind them that I love them. I need to do this so much more than I do. For those of you that are reading this I want to challenge you and also myself to tell at least two people that they are loved by God every day. I know that doing this sounds kind of silly but I have found that sometimes it is just what someone needs to hear. Please comment on how this goes for you and it would also be sweet if you could share your thoughts on what I wrote. I really want to hear your thoughts and opinions!

So that is all that I have for Part 1 of Rise Up @ Camp Evergreen. I am still working on writing the rest and I hope to be able to post it here soon!

Don’t ever forget that YOU are loved!

Rise Up 2010 – Camp Evergreen

Today is the day! Rise Up 2010 starts today at Camp Evergreen and I am happy to say that I will be able to be there this year! One of my biggest passions in life is working with youth and getting to work with them at Camp is even better. For me there is just something about working with youth at a Christian camp that makes the experience so much more amazing. A few of the things that I think make it so great are: when you are at a Christian camp it is sweet that the main focus is on God and some really amazing conversations come up as a result of that focus. Another thing that I love about working with youth at camp is the fact that there is nothing in this world that is better than being able to sit down with one of the kids and share what God has done in your life while hearing about what God is doing in their life. The thing that I think is best about working at camp is being able to know that I have been able to make some difference in a kids life and share God’s love with  them through my actions and the words that I say to them while I am there.

I will be leaving for camp with two other people from Bethany College right after lunch today and I am looking forward to writing a post about our camp experience when we get back!

Please pray for safe travels on the way there and back and that we would be open to God’s guidance and allow him to use in any way that he chooses while we are there.

Words: How Do They Affect Us?

What Is The Thing That You Like Most About Yourself?

It’s sad that I can ask this question and a lot of people will have to stop and think about their answer but if I were to ask “What Is The Thing You Dislike Most About Yourself?” many people would have no problem coming up with an answer quickly. I think that this is partly because of the society we have been raised in and how it tells us that we need to be perfect in every way and it is partly because of these words that people have said to us, the ones that just tore us apart inside, the ones that we have hung onto for so long, the ones that we let define us. Instead of asking you what you don’t like about yourself, I want to ask you this: “What Is Something About Yourself That You Need To Offer To God In Order For Him To Change It?”

I have noticed throughout my life that we let the things that others say to us or about us define us. We allow the things that people say change us and shape us into someone different; sometimes we change how we act and think to make ourselves into the person that people say that we should be. This is something that I was thinking about all night last night while I couldn’t sleep. Right now I want to encourage those of you that are reading this to think about how you have allowed the things that others say to shape you throughout your life and then think about what God says about you in his word or the things that you have heard him say to you. Are we allowing ourselves to be changed for the better by what the people around us say? Or are we focusing on the words that have hurt us? What I think that we as a Christian community need to do is not  focus so much on the hurtful things that people may have said but think about the things that God has said about us and allow those things to change us for the better.

I know that this post is shorter and I hope that it makes sense to everyone. I just felt that I should write about these things that I was thinking about throughout the night. If you have any thoughts on this subject please comment on it. I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings about this!

Coffee House Talk

We had a coffee house in the administration building here at Bethany College. The coffee house setting proved to be a great place for amazing discussion and building friendships. We all ended up having some great discussions about different situations and feelings that come up in life and how those situations and the feelings that we have as a result of these situations change us and shape us into who we are as a person, as a follower of Christ.


Who Are We? Who Do We See Ourselves As?

I feel that it is important to start here with the questions “Who are we? Who do we see ourselves as?” I think that by allowing each of us to ask ourselves these question it helps us to really look inside of ourselves behind all of the masks, walls, defenses and fronts that we put up for people around us and really think about who we see ourselves as and who we think we are rather than who the people around us think we are because of the false masks and walls that we put up in order to please others. I really encourage anyone that is reading this to take a few moments and think and ask yourself those questions “Who am I? Who do I see myself as?” Our conversation lead us to the topic of drugs or alcohol and how some people say that when someone has been abusing one of these substances they say that the person revealed during the time that they are under the influence, is the person that they really are emerges. I believe this is because they aren’t thinking about keeping up the masks and walls because they are not thinking clearly during this time. In some ways I do agree with that statement but I disagree with it in many ways. I agree that when a person is under the influence that there are masks that come off and walls that come down but I have also seen that a person’s morals and how they will react to different situations changes as well. One example is that a person who has given into temptation and is under the influence will sometimes not stick to their Christian morals at that time and say or do things that they wouldn’t normally do because of their morals and Christian values. In this situation I don’t believe that what others see is who that individual really is as a person, but rather who we all really are as mankind. When someone is intoxicated I believe that what we are really seeing is how we as humans have been born into a world of sin, tragedy and devastation. So instead of seeing who that individual really is while they are intoxicated, we are seeing who we are as mankind; we are imperfect beings that have been born into sin and are in desperate need of a savior that will guide us and never run out of love and patience as we continue to make mistakes and sin throughout our lives.

Who Has God Created Us To Be?

Once we have allowed ourselves to ask who we are and who we really see ourselves as I believe it is important to continue on to asking “Who Has God Created Me To Be?” and “Am I Allowing God To Shape Me Into Who He Has Created Me To Be?” We need to make sure that we ask this question with an open mind and an acceptance of who God is shaping us into or we won’t get very far. We also had to be completely open and honest with ourselves when we asked who we really are and who do we see ourselves as and that is a hard thing to do a lot of the time because sometimes we find things that we don’t like or things that we know we need to change but aren’t quite ready to let go of. Asking ourselves “Who has God created me to be?” can be even harder than the previous questions in my opinion. I believe that it can be harder to ask this question honestly, and completely pursue an answer because all of us have things in our lives that we have planned out and sometimes our plans are not even close to what God has planned in order to continue shaping us into who He created us to be. Letting go of our plans in order to allow ourselves to be open to God’s work in shaping us into who he created us to be can be incredibly painful and scary because we need to just rely on faith that God knows what he is doing and will take us in the right direction at this point. One major thing that makes it hard for many of us is the fact that we are no longer in control, instead we just need to trust that God knows what he is doing. Even though this process is terrifying sometimes I believe that we as Christians really need to make an everyday effort to ask this question and then allow God to work within us.

I want to encourage the people that are reading this to think about all of the questions asked here and then use the comments box to respond to them. The reason that I think it is important to respond to the questions in the comment box is it will help us to have a better understanding of who the people in our community really are as individuals and I also think that the way we respond to each other and help others in areas that they struggle in will also allow us to see more clearly who we are as a community.

I also want to point something out before I finish writing this post and that is that what is written here is my own personal opinion and I am in no way saying what I think is the only truth, it is just my opinion and that is why I encourage people to read this and comment on it in order to share their opinion.

That’s all for tonight.

Have a good one!

-Aaron.

The Best & The Worst

The other night I met up with a few of the guys here at school and we decided to go on a burger run (when you leave the college and go to the city, eat some burgers and then come back). I went with three of the guys that are at Bethany this year, one guy that I know from last year and two of the freshman. It was an amazing trip to the city and back where we were able to learn about each other and start some new friendships. Even though it does cost money to hop in a car, drive to the city, get burgers and drive back it was completely worth it and I am confident that I couldn’t ever even come close to putting a price tag on the experience and conversations that we had while we got to know each other and build new friendships. The guy that came with us that I knew from last year was David and the freshman guys were Eric and Jeff.


Most of the conversation that I had was between Jeff and myself while I was driving us into the city and then we were all able to sit down and talk for a while as a group. One of the topics that we got into that I found really interesting and meaningful consisted of two questions; “What is the worst? And what is the best?” As each of us answered these two questions while munching on our burgers we were able to learn a lot about each other as well as ourselves. I decided to post my answers to these two questions on my blog and encourage others to comment and answer these two questions themselves.

What Is The Worst?

Personally, the thing that I believe is the worst is when an innocent person is punished or hurt in any way and they have no power to stop what is happening in whatever situation they are in and they don’t have the power to stop the pain that they are experiencing (When I say pain I don’t only mean physical pain but any kind of pain that a person could feel).

The reason that I chose this answer is because I feel that I can relate well to people and how they feel that may find themselves in a situation like the above. I feel that I can relate to these people and how they feel in some way is because I have to deal with physical and emotional pain every day because of having a serious medical condition that I will most likely struggle with for the rest of my life. I am powerless to change the fact that I am sick and in pain and I am unable to stop the pain that I deal with every day. I hope that answer and explanation make at least a little bit of sense.

What Is The Best?

I believe that the thing that is the best is being able to be loved and forgiven time and time again by God even though I continue to make mistakes and will never be perfect. It is the best to know that God’s love for me will never run out or stop no matter what happens and even though he knows that I will continue to make mistakes and need forgiveness from him in the future because we as humans are imperfect beings because we have been born into a world of sin.

I don’t think that my answer to “What is the best?” needs an explanation just because to me my answer seems pretty straight forward. If you are reading this and you do feel that this answer does require more explanation please feel free to post a comment and I will do my best to explain it more.

The reason I felt it was so important to post my answers to these questions on my blog is because I feel like these are important questions to ask ourselves and even others in order to get a better idea of where we stand and what we believe about the best and the worst. I am also just really excited to share this because it just goes to show how a person can start a sweet new friendship with someone or learn more about someone that they already know just by hopping into a car and driving from Hepburn to Saskatoon for a burger run. I’m not saying that burgers and cars need to be involved but what I am trying to get across is the importance of making an effort to spend time with someone that you don’t know or even someone you do know and just talk with them about anything. It is amazing what can come out of these conversations.

I want to encourage those of you that are reading this to post in the comment box what your answers are to “What is the best? And What is the worst?”

Time for me to go to supper.

Cheers.

The Invasion Of The Freshmen – Bethany College

The first move in the invasion was made by the freshman (well at least from my point of view). I was in bed and even though it was about 12:30pm I was still asleep (what can I say? There were a lot of old friends from last year to catch up with that I went to school with last year) when I heard the first car door slam. As I slowly managed to wake myself up I heard the clicking of someone trying to punch in the code for the men’s dorm and failing to gain access every time. As I sat up in bed I smiled to myself and thought back to my first day at Bethany College, I felt lost, confused and frustrated beyond all belief that I couldn’t get that stupid door to the men’s dorm open. Once I had the sense to go and ask someone what the code was and write it down on my hand, I decided to stop by the washroom in the main administration building quickly before heading over to the dorm to move all of my things in. Needless to say that after washing my hands the code was no longer there and I failed to notice this until I was once again standing outside the door holding as much of my stuff that I could possibly carry desperately trying to remember the code that I had written down just six minutes ago. Luckily for me, there just happened to be a returning student coming up the pathway to the dorm who did remember the security code for the day. Much of my first few weeks at Bethany consisted of events similar to this. I had an amazing ability to immediately completely forget most of the important information that was shared with me causing me to feel and I’m sure look like a complete fool.

Yes, the freshman experience is an amazing one, filled with adventure, confusion and a lot of desperately trying to remember everyone’s names as well as where everything on campus is. I am really super excited that the first years showed up today. I have met all of the guys in my dorm unit and even though I have only spoken to each one briefly they seem like a really cool and fun group of guys. This year my RA’s (Resident Assistant) name is Eric Penner. The RAs in the dorms are a group of guys that each live with and oversee one unit of the dorm each. The reason I am so excited for Eric to be my RA this year is because he was in the same unit as me last year and he is just a super sweet guy with an amazing heart for God and serving others. Even though Eric is a second year student here at Bethany and I am a fourth year student I have no problems with him being in an authority position over me because we are friends and I know that he is not the kind of guy that makes sure everyone he has authority over knows it and acts like he is superior to us. Eric is the kind of guy that is always there to talk if you need him; he is always willing to help out anyone with anything anytime no matter what and he is an amazing man of God that allows God to show his love through him all the time with everyone that he comes in contact with. All these qualities that Eric has are a big part of why I am excited to have him as and RA this year but the main reason that I am happy about it is because he had a bottle of ‘Green Apple Jones Soda’ and a note saying “welcome home Aaron!” waiting for me in my room on my desk when I arrived at school on Friday …. Lol Just kidding that’s not the main reason but it does play a pretty big part in my excitement.

I am really looking forward to how God is going to be working in my life throughout this school year even though I have already been turned down to play in the main chapel band here already without even being given a chance to prove that I can do it (you can read about my feelings about that in my previous blog that I believe I wrote and posted yesterday). Despite this setback I still believe that God will have big things in store for me as an individual and Bethany as a community this year.

Before I finsh up this post I do have one confession to make especially for any freshman that are reading this; even though this is my fourth year here, I still had to go back and ask someone to tell me what the dorm code is again and or let me in several times since Friday afternoon already. Oh the humility …. I am pretty sure I have it memorized now though however, I can’t share it with you in this post because it is very much against the school rules and I would have to pay $250.00 that I don’t have for a fine for distributing the code publicly. Sorry first year guys, you are on your own there unless you really can’t get in I would be more than happy to help you out if you personally come and ask me to let you in (only if you are a student living in the dorm).

That’s all I have as far as insane ramblings about that first day at Bethany College for now. Good luck first years! I’m really happy you guys are here and I look forward to getting to know you!

Rejected …. Again

The Question Of Why God Gives Us Gifts And Abilities Just To Allow Us To Get Rejected From Opportunities To Use Them....

Today was the orientation and registration day for the returning students here at Bethany College. It is one of those days that I dislike the most about the beginning of the school year. The reason I don’t like it is because for orientation all of us returning students have to sit and listen to announcements about the upcoming year. Some of them are new information that is very helpful but a lot of them are just things that we have heard and been through already in our past few years here. After the announcements and such we all have to go and register for classes and give all of our student information that the school needs as well as sign p to try out for sports teams and music teams like hockey or chapel band, stuff like that.

This is my fourth year here at Bethany College. Every year I signed up to try out for chapel band (the main worship team that represents Bethany when they go play at churches, at the school or for Youth Advance) and every year I try out and I don’t get picked. This year was different though, this year I went and saw the person in charge of the tryouts to get onto the chapel band and I wasn’t even given a chance to try out because I have a physical medical condition and therefore I am unreliable.

What I don’t understand is why does God give us gifts and talents and then allow the door to be slammed shut in my face when I want to use them to worship him? Why doesn’t he put it on people’s hearts and minds to just give me a chance and trust him that he won’t allow me being sick to get in the way of being on a music team that worships him?

Why has God allowed me to be rejected again just to walk back to my room and break down while wondering if I am really so useless because of my medical condition that I can’t even play drums on the main worship team here at school?

Rejected …. Again

You Know What It's Like To Believe....

The ash set in then blew away
It's getting lost into the sea
I grew so close to all the thoughts I had, to leave forever.
I left the chill and voice of screams and kids,
And ran for shelter.

You know I won't say sorry.
you know I won't say sorry.
The pain has a bad reaction.
A blend of fear and passion.
You know what it's like to believe,
It makes me wanna scream.

I see a glow from far away
A faint reflection on the sea
I left some words quite far from here to be a short reminder.
I laid them out in stone in case they need to last forever.

You know I won't say sorry.
you know I won't say sorry.
The pain has a bad reaction.
A blend, of fear and passion.
You know what it's like to believe,
It makes me wanna scream.

I see the stars they’re in your eyes
A playful kiss, can't you tell I'm excited?
A fast escape in the nick of time
You lost your wish, can I help you to find it?
I'm on my knee, just one to start
A fresh new start, Don't be undecided

If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen

If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen

If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen

If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen

If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen

If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen








Start The Machine - A&A

I QUIT!

So apparently my debit card is completely useless now which is just fanfrickentastic (yea it’s quite the word). I think that it’s just wonderful that the bank didn’t bother to call me to tell me that they were deactivating it so I could tell them I QUIT! and then slam down the phone. Heck even a letter would have been nice so I could have looked at it, slammed my fist down on the table and then angrily torn the letter up but of course they didn’t give me the satisfaction of being able to do either of those things that I so dearly love to do. When I did call the bank they told me that it was deactivated because it was used at a place that is suspected of skimming which is apparently when the debit machine is tampered with to record the card information and then if they get your pin number they can empty your account. Lucky for me I didn’t lose anything but the convenience of having a debit card that works.
So for those of you that were bored enough to read through that whole pointless story about what happened to me today here is an explanation for why I wrote it: My grandma insisted that I play a card game for a long time that she finds entertaining but meanwhile I’m sitting there bored out of my tree, heck I won’t even have a tree anymore by the time this ends. Anyway the reason I wrote it is because I was bored and apparently somewhat distracted.

Back To School – Year Four At Bethany College

Tomorrow, Friday September 3, 2010 is the day that I go back to Bethany College in Hepburn Saskatchewan and move back into the dorm for another year of school. The moving part is the least fun and then once I get to the paying for it part I’m not having any fun at all any more especially because I don’t have any money to pay for school with this year because I worked at camp for the summer. Right now I am just trusting that God will provide the funds that I need in order to pay for school. I trust that because he called me to work at camp this summer where it was obvious that I wouldn’t make much money that he will somehow help me find a way to pay for school this year. Overall I am really looking forward to being back at Bethany and seeing my friends from there again but at the same time I am really missing my friends from Camp Evergreen. That’s all I feel like saying right now.

The Loss Of A Wonderful Friend & A Wish To Stop The Pain That Comes With That Loss

As some of you may know a good friend of mine passed away on Thursday, August 19th 2010. At the time I was working at Camp Evergreen in Alberta. Christina was an amazing young woman with a passion for telling people about God and helping others. She was going to the U of S in Saskatoon to become a nurse. This choice of career fit right in with her personality and her passion for helping anyone in need no matter what. Christina grew up in Austria with her Mom, Dad and younger brother. She had gone back home to visit them for a few weeks before she would have to move all of her belongings into her dorm room and prepare for her final year of training to become an RN. As she was driving to the airport to fly back to Canada she was involved in a car accident and unfortunately died while the EMTs were working on her at the scene. This loss of a wonderful twenty year old woman who loved Christ and never hesitated to put others before herself has shocked her friends and family. Personally I can’t help but ask God why he would allow this to happen. Why would he let such a wonderful young woman that was an example of his love in everything that she did and everywhere she went die so suddenly at such a young age? I can’t even begin to understand his plan in this situation or how he could possibly make something good come out of this. In the aftermath of her death her father gave his life to Christ and that is amazing but my question for God is this: Could she have not lead so many more people to you and spread your love in so many more places if she were alive today and she didn’t have to die so young? This is a question that I don’t know if I will get an answer to in this life. As her friends and family grieve her loss and try to make sense of a difficult situation I just pray that we can have faith in God and find comfort in him.

Sometimes There Are No Words, No Clever Quotes To Sum Up What’s Happened That Day. Sometimes You Do Everything Right, Everything Exactly Right, And Still You Feel Like You Failed, Did It Need To End That Way? Could Something Have Been Done To Prevent This Tragedy? I Miss You Christina....

Figure It Out, Try To Set It Up, Get Mad At It, Get It Done Right And Finish It

So today I set up my first blog. It was an interesting eperiance to say the least. Due to this site having everything that has to do with setting up a blog so "user friendly" and easy to do it makes it harder for those of us with advanced computer skills to get everything exactly the way we want it because the silly site won't let you! Anyway I just thought I should throw my first post on here and then go do something else because I'm tired of the blog thing for right now after getting it all set up. I'll be back tomorrow with a real post about what may or may not be going on in my life.

I QUIT!!

Goodnight All.