Maybe Someday I’ll See You Again And You’ll Look Me In My Eyes And Call Me Your Friend
I’m not sure why but lately I have had a lot on my mind about brokenness and being abandoned or just having people start to distance themselves from me when they start to realize just how broken I really am. I notice them start to fade away and then one day they are no longer there.
When I think about this I find myself drawn to the thought that me being sick and having a broken body and the broken emotions that come with that is the reason for people leaving. Maybe the constant pain over the past ten years and that constant reminder from that pain that I am broken plays a big part in that but at this point I’m really not sure. Maybe a part of it is that profound sense of loss that I feel from Christina passing away that has made me feel so alone. I really don’t know.
When people come into my life and hear about what I have had to live through and the constant pain and sickness that I will live with for the rest of my life I am often told that they think that I am a strong person because I haven’t given up and I know that I never will because I know that there is a reason behind me having to deal with this. To be honest right now I don’t feel strong; I feel broken, scared and somewhat lost.
I can’t even say why I felt that I needed to write this down and post it today. Maybe someone out there needed to hear this. The one thing that I have been learning through not giving up in the midst of feeling lost, scared and broken is that just because I am broken and I am reminded of that every day through physical pain that isn’t the only thing that everyone else around me sees. I have a friend that I respect and admire a lot tell me a while ago that through getting to know me she no longer sees me as someone that has this broken and often quite useless physical body but instead she sees me for who I am underneath that. Those words have made me realize that in times when I feel that all I am is broken I need to learn to see myself the way my friend does.
That is what I want to strive to see myself as right now. I want to look beyond being sick and having a broken body and see that there is still good within that can't be broken, a good that can help others.
Yellowcard! Yes!
ReplyDeleteAnd, for the record, I'm fairly certain that I needed to hear that. Thanks.
I know it's been a very long time since we have had the chance to hand out or even talk face to face, so I hope you won't find it strange that I read your blog post. I just wanted to say that your friend who seems beyond your pain seems like a wise person... from our years in highschool I never thought of you as broken, and I think people see you as something more than the average because of your illness... You've got a much more timeless and far-seeing perspective on events and life and for many people are age, that isn't something they can fathom. You are a very special person, and in the time I have known you I've noticed that you have the ability to profoundly impact other people, and in a positive way. I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas. God Bless.
ReplyDelete-Megan O'Brien.
i think if we all tried to see ourselfs for what we really are insted of just seeing and walloing in our messed up lives and self pitty we could only be doing ourselfs and the world good, not to mention a raise in selfesteam
ReplyDelete- Dylan Peters