Trust And Grief

W.S. Gilbert Wrote, “Its love that makes the world go round” and if that’s true, then the world spun a little faster when Christina was in it.

Those of you that know me have most likely heard or read on my blog that my friend Christina passed away as the result of a car accident on August 13 this last summer. Missing her and dealing with her death has been hard for me. I desperately want to trust that God loves his children and is devastated when something like this happens but that he also lets it happen for a reason. I have been searching for that reason and how something good could possibly come from this situation. I know that God wants me to trust him, to believe that he knows why things like this happen and leave it in his hands. This is something I have been unable to do up to this point but I do know that as time passes I will get there. If you are reading this I want to ask you to pray for everyone that was affected by Christina’s death, that they would be able to find peace and comfort in God even though this is a hard time for them.

Here are a few things that I wanted to say about Christina:

Christina’s death has caused me to stop and take stock of my life, to measure who I am and what I have become. I don’t have all of those answers myself, but I know who Christina was. Christina lived and died in a broken and unjust world, a world where young women like her that have a fierce love for God, her family and friends. I know that if Christina were here today she would tell me not to mourn her death but to celebrate her life. She would tell me to love my family and friends unconditionally and to stay close to Christ because in the end that’s all that matters.

Christina  

October 10, 1989 - August 13, 2010

And If I Could Thank God That I Am Here And That I Am Alive....

I haven’t had a chance to post anything new since I wrote part one of my experience at Camp Evergreen for Rise Up and it has been bothering me because I would like to put up a new post at least once a week. Right now I am feeling really sick so I am unable to do much of anything so it’s a great time to just sit at my computer and write.

This week is one of the worst times ever for me to not be feeling good, not that any time is a good time to be sick but this week is the worst time. The reason that it’s the worst is because I have several meetings and music practices to be at for upcoming events and then the events themselves to be at. Here is a little taste of what my schedule for this week looks like not including homework:

Monday – Off For Thanksgiving (That’s Nice).

Tuesday – Get Everything Ready For My Band Playing In Chapel And Practice Because We Are Playing On Wednesday.

Tuesday Afternoon – Meeting For Upcoming Youth Night At Bethany College.

Tuesday Night – Unit Meeting.

Wednesday Morning – Band Playing In Chapel.

Wednesday Night – Practice For Music Committee Band As Well As Practice For Youth Min Band.

Thursday – Youth Min Planning And Event Set Up/Make Sure I’m Good To Go For Speaking And Playing Drums At The Event.

Friday – Nothing Planned Yet (Thank God).

Saturday – Rest And Hope I’m Feeling Better.

Sunday Night – Play Drums For Worship Session.

It will be a little bit of a crazy week for me and I think it might just feel crazier then it is because I’m sick. Right now I am just doing my best to trust God to give me the strength and keep me out of the hospital so that I don’t have to bail out on my commitments. One thing that I have found in the past is that if I am able to stay positive and trust God when I am going through a time like this I end up enjoying myself and getting through everything even though I am sick. I hope that last sentence made sense because I realize it is very poorly worded. I guess the whole being sick and on a lot of medication thing is getting to my head.

I’m going to admit that I am not really sure why I felt that I should write about what is going on in my life and being sick. I think that a big part of the reason I wanted to post this is I am just really hoping that maybe by reading this people can be encouraged to just trust in God and continue walking with him even when things are really hard.

Yea I’m pretty sure that is all I have to say for right now.

Have a great week everyone!

Cheers.

Rise Up @ Camp Evergreen - October 1 - 3 (This Post Was Going To Have Two Parts At First But I Feel I Have Written All That I Needed To About Rise Up)

The drive out to Camp Evergreen was a good one. It was a beautiful day for driving and once we got out of Saskatchewan and into Alberta we even got to go over a few hills so that was a nice change from our normal scenery out in Saskatoon area. Anyway as wonderful as the driving part of the weekend was that is not what I’m here to talk about right now.

Once we got to camp and all the staff and youth groups got settled into their rooms we played a few icebreaker games and then it was off to the first chapel session of the weekend. Our speaker for the weekend was Seth; an amazing guy that just really has a heart for God and sharing his love with youth. The worship over the weekend was lead by Jill Hagen (some of her music is on iTunes and I encourage you to look it up and take a listen). Hearing Seth speak and having Jill and the worship band lead us in worship were two of the many great things that I experienced out at Evergreen this weekend.

The theme that Seth spoke on this weekend was God’s love for us. It was so cool to see God use Seth to speak into the lives of the youth and the staff that were out there. He talked about how we as people think that we understand love, feel it and how we can’t even come close to understanding the power of the love that God has for us. “We have this idea of what love is and how it feels, what it looks like and then Jesus comes along and just completely blows that away with a love so strong and so pure that we can’t even come lose to grasping it” (Seth). I think that all too often we set these standards for ourselves that we think we have to live up to in order for someone else to be able to love us, for God to be able to love us. A lot of the time people are thinking ‘if I could just do better, if I was a little bit smarter or maybe better at sports …. Then maybe people would love me. If I could stop messing up the same part of my life over and over again then maybe God could love me. Maybe if I wasn’t sick….’ I see these people ever day that are down on themselves because they have it stuck in their heads that if they could just be better they could be loved; loved by their family, by their friends, by God and maybe they could even love themselves. I see these people every day. I see them at school, when I’m out with friends, at home and when I look in the mirror. Why is it so hard for us to look at ourselves and see how amazing, specially, wonderfully made and adored by God we are? We hear about how we need to be perfect from the time that we can comprehend words. When we see people that have a hard time loving themselves or we realize that we don’t feel like we love ourselves we look for something to blame it on. We blame God for not somehow forcing us to never mess up, we blame the media for telling us that we have to have the perfect body, we blame the people around us for maybe saying something hurtful or insensitive and when we run out of things and people to blame we blame ourselves. Instead of looking for something or someone to blame why can’t we just focus on the forgiveness that God has for us when we mess up and his amazing love that he will always give to us no matter what?  I want to challenge each one of us including those that feel like they are too broken to be loved by God to focus on his never ending love and forgiveness instead of all of the things that make them feel like not even God could love them.

All too  often we dig ourselves deeper and deeper into pits of despair, self pity and loneliness and then forget how to climb out or we get so down that we forget how to feel, how to love and we become numb. “People dig themselves into holes with their misery. They end up wanting to live in those holes and they get angry when other people put dirt in their holes (dirt being the love in this case) because they like their holes, they have learned to live inside of them. Climb out of your holes people!” (Dr. Greg House). Don’t you love it that I used a quote from House in here? I know I do! Sometimes I see someone down and depressed because they don’t think that they could be loved by anyone including themselves and God. When I see people feeling like this I often want to run up to them , give them a hug and remind them of God’s love for them and also remind them that I love them. I need to do this so much more than I do. For those of you that are reading this I want to challenge you and also myself to tell at least two people that they are loved by God every day. I know that doing this sounds kind of silly but I have found that sometimes it is just what someone needs to hear. Please comment on how this goes for you and it would also be sweet if you could share your thoughts on what I wrote. I really want to hear your thoughts and opinions!

So that is all that I have for Part 1 of Rise Up @ Camp Evergreen. I am still working on writing the rest and I hope to be able to post it here soon!

Don’t ever forget that YOU are loved!

Rise Up 2010 – Camp Evergreen

Today is the day! Rise Up 2010 starts today at Camp Evergreen and I am happy to say that I will be able to be there this year! One of my biggest passions in life is working with youth and getting to work with them at Camp is even better. For me there is just something about working with youth at a Christian camp that makes the experience so much more amazing. A few of the things that I think make it so great are: when you are at a Christian camp it is sweet that the main focus is on God and some really amazing conversations come up as a result of that focus. Another thing that I love about working with youth at camp is the fact that there is nothing in this world that is better than being able to sit down with one of the kids and share what God has done in your life while hearing about what God is doing in their life. The thing that I think is best about working at camp is being able to know that I have been able to make some difference in a kids life and share God’s love with  them through my actions and the words that I say to them while I am there.

I will be leaving for camp with two other people from Bethany College right after lunch today and I am looking forward to writing a post about our camp experience when we get back!

Please pray for safe travels on the way there and back and that we would be open to God’s guidance and allow him to use in any way that he chooses while we are there.